Ruth May:of innocence and wisdom

If this next entry is a little beyond my years; perhaps I can put that in perspective. In my former life I was but a child first of five that of six, merely an innocent of the world. I remember the night of the driver ants when gazing upon the green mamba snake that is when I first thought of what Nelson told me that if I was about to die to close my eyes and think the place and instead of dying I would gently wake up in a place. When my eyes found the mamba snake so often viewed as an element of evil, I realized that in order to not be afraid of them anymore I would need to be one. To daddy the snake is evil; to me the snake is wisdom. In one bite the wisdom of the snake overcame the innocence of my life. The snake’s wisdom overcame the passivity of my mother and removed me from the evil tyranny of my overzealous father.

I know now as I watch from high up in my tree just what the impact of the unintentional evils that exist in the world. I see now with my wisdom how it took the combination of passivity of witnesses like my mother and the over-zealousness of men like my father to create the environment of greed and corruption that brought about the evil that gave power to a dictator who proved to be a fire bigger danger than the darkness that entombs the jungle. The jungle is not evil just because it is dark just as the Congolese people are not dark because they’re descendents of the disobedient son of Noah.

I also see you from my perch of wisdom how these experiences have impacted my sisters: Rachel is just as materialistic as ever, and the evil in her nature is the same selfish motives that guided my father. My sisters Adah and Leah although not evil, have still been impacted. Leah tries to atone for past actions through current suffering for the common good and Adah desperately searches the world of science and medicine for something to believe in. My mama, whose only sin was inaction, will feel as if she had committed evil until she feels as if I’ve forgiven her. I do, mama, I forgive.

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